Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Empty: An IM Story

[I (the blue) was sitting at my desk at work and describing this woman that walked past the big glass doors to my friend over Skype. As you can see, Hilary (the pink) and I ended up turning it into a story of sorts.]

There's this lady on campus that I see every once in a while and she's weird.
She's skinny with dyed blonde hair and she's probably in her 40s somewhere.
Today she was wearing all black clothes and lots of makeup.
I think her hair style was supposed to be fashionable, but it didn't work.
It's like she started with a messy pony tail that's all lumpy on top and then braided it to the side.
But what always throws me is that she carries around this HUGE 64oz cup from a 7/11 or something and she periodically refills it with soda.
It must be all she subsists on.
...That is weird
Maybe she's a soda junkie.
You know, like a heroin junkie.
But with Coke, instead.
She's just so odd she almost doesn't seem real.
Like she should be a character in a book or something.
Maybe you're imagining her.
Your socially-challenged fairy godmother
You could write about her!
Then she would have a personality too.
What kind of personality would she have?
I think she likes Miley Cyrus.
And maybe Justin Bieber too.
And she used to like Britney Spears.
But she doesn't mention that to anyone.
Of course not.
Britney's not cool anymore.
I bet she's obsessed with being young.
I agree.
If she's 40 and has that hairstyle...
I dunno, maybe she tanned and stretched the hell out of her skin so she only looks 40.
I think she actually is though.
Hm.
Maybe she went back to school, even, to feel young again.
Is spending all her savings on it because she never did manage to find that rich husband who would take care of her every concern.
I think she has a boyfriend who's younger than her.
I agree.
I bet she loves summer because she likes tanning and wearing less clothing.
She looks like a washed-out teen princess.
And only ever is seen consuming soda.
Which she has on her person at all times.
I think I saw her eat a salad once.
Oh.
WELL.
She probably likes skiing too.
And tennis.
Definitely.
Not so much swimming though because it messes up her hair and makeup.
Although lounging by a pool or sex in a hot tub is good.
I think she has had a string of boyfriends
Yep.
And never really gets attached to them, because they're just accessories, none of which seem to fit.
Most of them younger than her.
I think she's getting attached to this one, though.
And she doesn't really understand it.
He's cute.
And kind.
It scares her a little, and might cause her to bolt on the relationship soon.
She's starting to think it might be time to move on, try an older, richer man again.
He doesn't seem to pity her
He just /likes/ her, even spending time with her.
She likes pity.
Not just sex.
It equals presents.
She likes it /and/ disdains it.
She's a little confused.
Yes.
Just a bit.
Slightly.
It's all the sugar from the Coke.
I bet it's diet Coke.
Probably.
So it's not even real sugar.
Her nerves will be shot from it in a couple decades.
It's already been a couple decades.
She doesn't seem to get that though.
She just drowns it in prissy cocktails on the weekends followed by gallons of water so she doesn't get a hangover.
And home spas.
After a long weekend of partying.
You can't forget that.
Of course!
Have to do the nails up nice and touch up the dye job before the week starts again.
And fix her skin.
And the bags under her eyes.
She spends Sunday alone, primping and pinching.
It's lonely, but she tries to ignore that.
It's worth it to look so fabulous at the beginning of the week.
Right?
...Right?
Yes. It has to be.
She doesn't like to think too hard about that.
Or anything. it just makes life harder.
She isn't dumb though, she just doesn't know any other way.
And she's okay with that.
This is the closest approximation an average, unremarkable person can get to the life they show on TV, the life movie stars live.
So in a way...she's kind of like a celebrity. Which was always her dream.
It almost broke when she found out she didn't have a particular talent for singing or acting. Dancing takes far too much work.
But she's good at being young and beautiful and snagging men.
She still keeps an envelope of magazine clippings, though.
She likes to look at them sometimes.
But the feeling she gets from that is mixed. she doesn't fully understand it.
She likes things to be simple.
Straightforward.
Easy.
That's why she likes this guy so much
He doesn't ask a whole lot of questions. doesn't make things complicated.
Just the way she feels about him, but that's...not his fault, she supposes. It's just stupid.
Inconvenient.
It doesn't fit with her patterns.
So, she'll make it simple again.
Let him catch her looking at another guy.
Flirting.
He has such serious ideas about that sort of thing.
If she weren't...done with him, she might find that romantic. She did, once.
Now, it's just too much.
He'll end it for her, then.
A clean break.
And it will be better for both of them.
If she stops things now, it won't take too long to forget him in the search for her next guy.
She worries for a second that he'll see through her. That he'll know she's just trying to get away.
But no, that's never happened before.
He's not so different.
She has to go through with this anyway.
If she fails to, her life cannot go on as it has.
Things will change.
Change is bad.
She will have to admit that /she's/ changing. Getting old.
Tired.
Of everything. Even this boy, who she thought she really liked.
She feels trapped, suddenly.
Claustrophobic.
Like she knows that somehow, she missed a chance.
Something important.
Somewhere back along the line.
How did she get here?
She feels lost.
This isn't where she intended to end up.
She wants to go home, but then she thinks-- no.
She doesn't want to be alone.
In her dark house, with no one waiting up, the lights on for her.
She want to be around people. To draw energy from the dance floor.
Compulsively she grabs her soda and takes a long pull.
It makes her relax.
She starts to plan to go out.
Which club tonight?
Not one he'll be at...
It can't be tonight. she doesn't want him to see her like this.
She's all nerves, it's stupid. embarrassing.
She needs to be strong and beautiful.
Dancing will fix that. It'll calm her down.
It always does.
He must remember her, even if she's leaving him.
She wants him to miss her.
She wants to leave an imprint on someone.
She shakes her head. She's in a weird mood today.
It must be a blood sugar crash. She's heard those can affect your mood. Maybe she'll even have a salad, or something.
She wonders idly what to wear tonight.
It's important to plan her outfits carefully. she wants to turn heads, but it can't look like she tried.
It's a tough balance, but she prides herself on being a master of it. she's devoted her whole life to the study of appearances.
Makeup, clothes, shoes, and accessories. Each piece a part of the whole image.
Tonight she'll be bright and sparkly. She'll take the spotlight and forget she ever thought these things.
A fruity cocktail or two and everything will be just fine.
No men tonight. There's no point if he's not there to see it.
She doesn't want to think about him tonight.
She doesn't want to think.
She wants her mind to be clear, pure and clean like freshly fallen snow on the mountain's summit.
Maybe once all this is over...she'll go on a small vacation. treat herself to a ski resort somewhere.
Yes, that sounds good.
She nods to herself, picks up her soda and her fashionable bag, and wanders towards the door.
Tonight, she's going to just let go of everything.
It will be good. easy.
She'll stop feeling all this.
She smiles vacantly and goes through her closet in her head.

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