Wrenches in the Works

Well, surprise surprise, things are have not quite gone as planned.

I had to move out of my apartment in Salem pretty right about two weeks after getting back. Griff and I went over and managed to get all my stuff packed and out in about 4 hours. Most of the furniture Allison sold me had to get donated, unfortunately. I also had to donate or toss everything I don't need or really really want. Moving is less than fun even in the best of circumstances (like when you actually want to leave where you've been living), as Griff and I found out while moving him out of his apartment in Portland. But seeing as I didn't actually want to move out because I liked the apartment and I liked living with Cat, this was even less fun. Regardless, we managed and all my stuff is in Bend, if not strictly in my possession.

See, the problem at the moment is that I've been living in three very different places for the last year. I have my room in Bend which has all my furniture and a lot of things I have collected or were given to me over the years. I went through all of it last year and got rid of as much of it as I could in a fit of temper, but there's still a fair amount of it floating around. Then there was my apartment in Salem. Well, to be truthful, I didn't have a lot outside of my room. Cat had a lot of furniture and decorations and even kitchen stuff so there wasn't really any need for me to get any. But still, I have a toaster oven and towels and a baking supplies and other things like that  that there's no use for in an already furnished house. And then there's all my stuff from Galway, Ireland. There's even less there, but a lot of it is now irreplaceable and very important to me. Still, it's not necessarily particularly useful stuff or things I strictly need. Since my current lodgings are at dad's house in Bend, I've kind of descended on his house in a cloud of stuff. Somehow I have to fit it all into the smallest of the three rooms I've lived in recently and there really isn't any extra space as it is, in my room or elsewhere in the house.

The other big wrench is that reality, in her rather nasty sort of way, decided that it'd be fun to remind me just how big the numbers are. To be perfectly honest, I maxed out my credit card while in Europe. Not fun, but it was kind of necessary so we could eat and sleep and try to get back to Ireland in order to catch our flight home. Which means that now I get to pay it off. On top of that, my loans are scary large. The amount I make every two weeks at Target is absolutely tiny in comparison and I will never get out of the hole at this rate. So even though things at Target have been, for the most part, a bit better (now, don't get me wrong, it's still back breaking and demeaning and the general public is still incredibly stupid, but some small parts have improved) if they don't double the amount of hours they're giving me and/or my pay, I'm going to have to get a second or completely different job. Which, I know, was part of the plan originally, but I wanted to do it when I was able to live on my own. Again though, at this rate I'll never get out of dad's house.

Maybe this is something unique to me, but I've looked at job postings several times over since I got my job and each time, when I think of applying for something a creeping sort of terror comes over me. What if I can't figure out how to do the job? What if it's too hard? What if I don't get along with my bosses? What if they don't train me how to do enough of it? Etc, etc and ten seconds later and I've talked myself out of even trying.  I guess what I'm really wondering is if this is something that only I do to myself or if it's something that other people do. Is this a part of why some people get stuck at jobs like Target? Because it's easier to stick with what you have and what you know how to do than to strike out on something that might be better or might not?

Any ways, beyond some rather large wrenches and the timeline in the original plan having to be completely scrapped (okay, a lot of the original plan will have to be re-thought now) things are going mostly okay. It's not all smooth sailing (by any means) but I'm getting through okay. And hey, I finally get paid on July 1st. Yay?

Changes

I have no idea how to start this. I guess I'll just jump in?

I'm not going back to Willamette for my final year. Lots of things played into that decision, but in the end, it was mine to make. I'm not thrilled I won't be getting my degree on time and that I have a crap ton of loans to try and pay back, but I'm not heartbroken either. I've never been particularly happy at Willamette. I love the friends that I made there, I liked my job and I appreciate the opportunities that have come from going there (working at the Elsinore, getting involved with ceili dancing, the Lilly Retreat, getting to go to Ireland, etc), but as far as academics and most of my social experiences have gone, I've been pretty miserable. Hopefully this will be an opportunity to turn that around.

Which brings me to the question of what next? In the short term, I will be living at home until roughly the end of June. Then I'll be living with a friend here in Bend for a month or so. During this time I will be returning to my job at Target. The goal is to get out of Bend and (probably) move back to Salem by sometime between August to September. I can't leave sooner because I need to build up some savings again, start paying off my debts from my "grand tour" of Europe and get ready to pay off my student loans. I also need to be able to make rent and pay bills on my own. As of now, I can't really do any of this so I'll be around for a bit (at least for those of you in Bend). 

The longer term plans are to get a job other than Target (something that pays better *fingers crossed*), be in Salem for a while (no idea how long at this point), get back into reading for fun (which has been sadly neglected over the last couple years), work on my photography (yay!), practice baking, do lots of dancing and recover from being completely burnt out on school. I'm hoping (okay, maybe more like dreaming) to be able to spend a week on the Isle of Man in a year or so. A little further out, I think I'd like to go back to school. Almost definitely not back to Willamette though. I don't think they can offer me what I need or want, unfortunately. I want to look into trying to take some classes in photography (not towards a career though), maybe one or two on architecture for my own edification, more history, and maybe some medievals studies and archeology. I have no idea where I can do this just yet, but seeing as I don't really want to be in school right now any ways it's a moot point. In and around this I want to travel more, most importantly back to Ireland, but to other places too. I want to go back to Japan, I want to spend more time exploring all the countries I visited on my "grand tour" and I'd like to see more of Asia and maybe some of Africa. The longest term goal is to get back to Ireland and hopefully figure out a way to live there. 

So... yeah. That's what's going on right about now. Just thought you might like to know.